Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
