I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
