I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i came on her dog
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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