so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
