Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize