we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
