I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize