How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Someone came in the potted fern
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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