You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
