So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
