Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
