I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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