Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
