Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
