walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
