Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
