This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he shaved USA in his pubs
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize