I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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