I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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