what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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