He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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