Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
