I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
