I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
