even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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