I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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