Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
