he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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