He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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