Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
