Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i think i scared a bird with my dick
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
