I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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