say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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