I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
