Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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