4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
