6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
