WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
