I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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