Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I will pee on everything he values.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
