So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize