Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
