Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
