I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
