hell yes lets make some ravioli
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
