I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
