We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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