counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
