the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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