Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you traded sex for a burrito?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
