so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
