God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
