the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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