I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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