come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
