this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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