I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I wish you could order shots online.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
