i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
