someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
