pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Damn victory sex feels great
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize