What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
