i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Randomize
