Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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