Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
