Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Randomize
