Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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