I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You can't special order awesome
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
