three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
