they need to just BURY HIM!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
