he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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