Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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