She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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