That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
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