some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
