Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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