dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
