turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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