I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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