There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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