hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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