1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
