There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
3pm strippers are depressing
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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