Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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