just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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